Bittersweet Me

We got an offer on the house earlier this week, far below what we could afford to part with it for, so I haven't thought about it a lot. With the offer the woman put down we'd have to shell out $10,000 each AND spend $3000 on tree removal and get rid of the woodstove. Obviously this wasn't going to work. I figured the buyer would move on and forget about us. We countered with an amount where Jenn and I would walk away with $5,000 each and only remove the woodstove and there were a series of back and forths between our Realtor and the buyer. Finally she came back with a deal whereby the two of us would lose a total of $1000 on the house and have to remove the woodstove.

As of 45 minutes ago I said yes.

Why? Why did I say yes? I made it very clear to Jenn that I wouldn't accept any deal that lost us money. I can't afford to shell out $500. I'm just not as strong as I keep thinking I am. Jenn really wants this, I want out, but I want out with some cash in my pocket. I've been making plans based on putting a little money down on a condo, now I'm broke.

So, Why? Because ending this chapter is worth it. I can really actually finish the mourning process when I'm not wondering if she's there. I can start dating without thinking about planning.

I decided to cheer myself up by reading friends' old blog entries. I read Jim's blog, all of it, and then I moved on to Jon's. And I cried. I wept, quietly, since I'm at my desk at work. But I read a post about Jon's brother and I lost it. I've been thinking about my life a little bit differently since then.

Jon, I know you're away this weekend and might not read this until Monday, or at all, but that being said I wanted to comment on how you touched my life. Wow, that sounds sappy, but so what.

A few weeks ago I was leaving an Elmwood meeting and you were standing outside talking, I think with Tricky. You looked up at me as I got in the car and said "I love you, man." At the time I replied without thinking, but as I drove away, I thought it was an odd thing to say; I appreciated it, but I thought it was odd. I thought about it again after I read through some posts, and I have this to say:

I love you, man.

OK, I'm done with the overly emotional personal messages.

Now I'm looking for a roomate and a 3 bedroom for a fairly cheap price. My goal is 2 years in one place, then buying again.